the bad place

There's a bad place in my head. I think everyone has one, but for some of us, it's easier to find. I feel like it's sucking me in today. While in the bad place, I don't get enough sleep but spend too much time in bed. In the bad place, I cry alot and have an extremely short temper with the kids and Joel. In the bad place, I eat too much junk but throw most of it up. In the bad place, I hate my life and forget how lucky I am.

Our money situation is bad. I don't have a freakin' clue how to fix it. It's really, really bad. I'm not sure how we can keep our house.

I have nothing else to say today.

freebie

packing

So, I've started packing for our weekend getaway. And, yes, I have lists of what to pack. Duh. I've realized that my OCD issues stretch farther than just list making. I seriously over pack. Not so much for me, but for the kids. There are too many what ifs. What if it's colder than the forecast. What if it rains. What if one of them has an accident? What if the get overly messy and need to change? What if their clothing gets ripped? Gah, I sound like a crazy person, even in my own head!

But, seriously, packing for a 20 month old is hard. He needs a lot of stuff on a daily basis! I'm trying to downsize as much as possible, but I have a feeling I'm still taking way more stuff than a sane person would. Good think I'm ok with being a little bit crazy.

Not too sure what we're up to here today. Right now we're watching Sesame Street while I make up our to do list. I need to grab a few things from the grocery store for sure. I really don't feel like doing much. I want to be on vacay already!

• grocery store
• post office
• plan dinner
• 1 load of laundry
• death by Jillian (also known as 30 day shred)
• more packing and list making

lost

My favorite message board has been down for days, and I'm feeling a bit lost. I post my boring daily to do lists there. It keeps me on track. Hopefully it'll be back up today, but in the meantime I need to get it all down. Pen and paper are not nearly as much fun.

• vote
• laundry
• dishes
• auto parts store
• bank
• get suitcase down from attic
• make a shopping list of anything else we may need for the weekend
• cash in change jar
• try on bathing suits
• call and order harbor pass & orioles tickets
• barnes & noble

I'm sure there's plenty more, but that's what comes to mind right now.

I'm so excited for this weekend! Ethan, Joey and I are going to Baltimore with my parents for my mom's birthday. We're leaving Saturday morning and coming home Monday evening. Ethan's more excited about our hotel's indoor pool than anything else. I'm looking forward to taking Joey to the aquarium and seeing a game at Camden Yard. Let's see how much we can jam into 3 days.

Jillian tried to kill me

Jillian Michaels is evil. She's hurt me in places I didn't know existed. There's an armpit muscle. It hurts. Is it a good kind of pain? Maybe, if I wake up skinny again.





I caved and bought the 30 Day Shred DVD. My wonderful UPS man brought it yesterday and I popped it right in. It's hard, and it hurts, but I kinda like it. I'm sick like that. I probably didn't need to go to the gym today. Ouch!





So, I'm walking out of the gym and get a text message from Joel, telling me how awesome I am (see below) and asking me to run next store for beer. I hate doing that for many reasons. I shall list them below.

• I'm sweaty and gross when I leave the gym.


• I feel like people are going to look at my chub and think it's a beer gut.


• My arms were sooo sore today that I wasn't sure I could lift a case of beer. Thanks Jillian.


• This particular beer distributor has some very, ummm, hygienically challenged customers, and not because they were working out. Icky.

Whatever. I sucked it up and bought the beer. I did refuse to buy Pabst or Busch or anything else cheap and yucky. If I was buying, and lifting with my very angry arms, I was buying something good.

Samuel Adams Summer Styles:

• Boston Lager
• Samuel Adams Light
• Summer Ale
• Blackberry Wit
• Hefeweizen
• Pale Ale

Freakin' awesome!

In other news, I loved being a SAHM today. I made muffins (awesomeness #1) first thing this morning. Kim came over to chat for a bit with Darin & Christian. It was nice to sit and have some girl talk, also known as venting about these men. After she left I had an online focus group chat. I earned $10 @ Amazon for that. When that was done, I threw a roast in the crock pot with some quartered red potatoes and baked a loaf of beer bread. (awesomeness #2 & 3)

All of the kids liked dinner tonight! I almost fainted. Now, I'm not a short order cook, so they eat what I make, like it or not. But tonight? The all ate every last bite and 2 of them asked for seconds. Mama did good!

I'm always surprised that I'm a good cook. I didn't really start cooking until I was 25. I never thought it could be fun. Now I know better!

Ok, time to go watch the season finale of Grey's Anatomy. Later!

feeling listy, and random

• today's entire post will be in list form. i need it to keep any semblance of sanity. list making soothes me. i also don't feel like capitalizing.
• today would have been day4 of drinking nothing but water, but i caved. i have coffee in front of me. it's for the good of all those who cross my path, trust me.
• i'll be doing my first book review here on the blog soon. i was so excited to be asked to read and review this book! more on this soon.
• joey is cutting molars. it's been, um, not fun.
• joey also decided we needed to be up early. i disagreed. he won. hence the coffee drinking.
• ethan has straight A's on his midterm report. did i mention that last week? i don't think so. i'm too lazy to check.
• ethan also has a problem with talking back lately. i'm not amused.
• i've had the chance to spend some really good one-on-one time with both josh and darin in the last week. i'm really glad, because that rarely happens.
• i'm so bummed that 3 of my friends are having serious relationship trouble right now. it's sucky, i know, as i've been there. we all have.
• ethan and josh have less than a month of school left! i'm so glad that summer is almost here. remind me of this when they're driving me insane, please.
• i really need to put more effort into my avon biz. i've been lazy.
• i really need to put more effort into cleaning. i've been lazy.
• i really need to stop spending so much money on little things. they add up quick!
• i really need to stop eating so much at night. my belly is expanding like i'm pregnant. i'm not.
• since joey just went down for his nap, i need to get off my butt and do something around here.

Elmo Does Disco

Yesterday was awesome. I took Joey and Darin to see Sesame Street Live: Elmo Makes Music. It was soooo much fun. The kids had a blast, and I found myself dancing around in my seat as well. They did the Hustle! It was great fun, even if that blonde chick, Jenny, was a bit annoying. I'm so glad we went.

Semi-busy week ahead of us, so I'm glad that today is kinda low key. We'll get Josh and Darin after Joel gets home from work. I'm making tacos for dinner. That's about all that's happening here. I'm ok with that.

The list of the day is...

My boring old to do list:

• vacuum living room
• dishes
• wash white clothes
• get mother's day cards
• clean off table
• start working on grocery list
• go over calendar for next week
• try to not spend all day on facebook.

whiney pants

Complaining ahead, just a warning.

Joel's job is really pissing me off. First his hours were cut. Now he has to work 6 days a week to make what he used to bring home in five. Then the decided to give us TWO FREAKIN DAYS NOTICE that they were changing payday from Friday to Monday. Now, today, they gave his load away to another driver. He was supposed to leave at 6am, but he's still here. This messes up my whole day, and I'll explain how, in list form!!

• He's playing the Wii. This interrupts our Sesame Street/Rachael Ray schedule.
• He finished the coffee. I had to make more.
• He will now be home hours later that he was supposed to be, so I have no one to watch the kids while I go to the gym.
• We probably won't be able to get Josh & Darin at all tonight.
• It'll probably just be me, Ethan & Joey for dinner now, so I have to re plan.
• I just hate last minute changes!!!!

Ok, glad to have that off my chest. Nothing really on the agenda here today. Depending on what time Ethan gets off the bus, we may try to hit a Mom's Club event at Rita's. I could use some Gelato.

Complaining addition:

• Now he's just left, and Joey is pissed. Really pissed. This should make my day fun.

O, where was I? Oh, yeah, really not much to do. If we meet Summer at Rita's, we might as well run down to my grandmother's to pick up my mom's Mother's Day/ Birthday present.

I wonder what I'm getting for Mother's Day? I'll take peace ad quiet, please.

caleb

Cinco de Mayo is more than just an excuse to drink margaritas and eat Mexican food for me. It's a day that's full of sadness and memories. Four years ago today, an amazing little boy was taken way too soon. I still miss you Caleb.

I love you, Nat. Your strength amazes me.

too touchin not to share

"death is nothing at all...i have only slipped away into the next room....i am i and you are you...whatever we were to each other, that we are still. call me by my old familiar name, speak to me in the easy way you always used. put no difference into your tone; wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow. laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes we enjoyed together. play, smile, think of me, pray for me. let my name be ever the household word that it always was. let it be spoken without effect, without the ghost of a shadow on it. life means all that it ever meant. it is the same as it ever was; there is absolutely unbroken continuity. what is this death but a negligible accident? why should i be out of mind because i am out of sight? i am but waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near, just around the corner....all is well."

---canon henry scott holland "1847 - 1918)

I read this on my favorite message board today. I felt it was such a beautiful quote, and needed to share it.

commitment issues

Look, I already missed day 3! Not a shocker, as I have memory issues lately. Oh well, I'll have to double up today.

There's really not a whole lot going on here. Jill and I spent most of yesterday in the kitchen, making buffalo chicken dip and then chili. We also watched Bride Wars, which I really liked.

Today, I was supposed to host a Moms Club event at the park, but it's raining, again. I have plans to do the grocery shopping and go to Curves. That's it. Nothing exciting.

Today's list is...my shopping list!

• kielbasa (sale)
• burgers (sale)
• grapes (sale)
• carpet cleaner (sale & coupon)
• chicken
• ground beef
• ice cream (sale)
• creamer (coupon)
• pierogies (coupon)
• juice (coupon)
• mini tacos (coupon)
• taquitos (coupon)
• rice (coupon)
• taco seasoning (coupon)
• chili
• shredded cheese
• cheese wiz
• tortillas
• sliced cheese
• milk
• lettuce

Now I have to try to find coupons for all of that.

sad

My dear friend Cathy lost her husband last night. Please keep her in your thoughts and prayers. My heart just aches for her.

I'm not feeling very posty today, so my list is simple.

Things I'm thankful for:

• my kids
• my parents
• my Joel
• my Sheena dog
• the rest of my fmaily
• the truly amazing friends I've gained over the years
• Facebook, for giving me back friends I thought were lost forever
• being a SAHM
• cheesecake.

Hug your kids, kiss your husbands and thank your friends for being around.

Duh!

I'm an idiot. It took me all of 30 seconds after hitting "publish" to decide what my daily thing should be. A list, of course! I'm a list maker, so obviously I should bore you all, if there's anyone out there, with a daily list of something. Don't worry, it won't be a to-do list every day. I'll switch it up a bit. If anyone s actually reading, maybe you could leave a comment about your own list.

Today's list is things my favorite websites:

• LJT
• Gmail
• Facebook
• Avon
• Ebay
• Pogo
• Giant
• Good Reads
• Rachael Ray Show
• Etsy
• A Full Cup

and my blog, of course!!

may day

So, my goal for May is to blog every single day. I accomplished my April goal of not buying any magazines at the store. (I already subscribe to 12 or so) I think maybe I need a specific thing to include in my blog post every day, but I can't figure out what it should be. Maybe a link to something that caught my eye? a picture? I'm not sure, but I'll have to figure it out by the end of the day.